| is a young woman who attended one of my sales | | | | Well, all those awful things will not come to pass. |
| negotiation training programs shortly after taking a | | | | It simply isn't true that we'll make enemies by |
| new job. When I asked her how she did with her | | | | negotiating. As my friend the manager showed |
| salary negotiation, she replied, "Well, I didn't | | | | us, negotiating for ourselves doesn't reflect badly |
| negotiate. I was offered $44,000 and I took it. | | | | on us in the least. All it reflects is a sense of |
| "Why didn't you negotiate?" I asked. "Because I | | | | self-worth and a positive approach toward life. |
| didn't want to start off my new job on the | | | | Also keep this in mind: First impressions die hard. |
| wrong foot" she replied. | | | | Once we've been tagged as patsies, it can be |
| Donald works for a small weekly newspaper. He | | | | awfully hard to shake the label. The more firmly |
| likes his job and his employer, Jeanne. He doesn't | | | | entrenched we get in the role of a patsy, the |
| get paid much, but he likes his work. His only | | | | harder it becomes for us to break out and stand |
| problem is that he's being asked to shoulder an | | | | up for ourselves. |
| increasingly large share of the responsibilities | | | | Negotiating Ethically But Firmly Will Not Injure A |
| around the office. If there's a late-breaking story | | | | Relationship |
| that has to be covered or a page that has to be | | | | Donald at the newspaper stopped himself from |
| laid out again, the job always seems to fall in | | | | negotiating with Jeanne because he was afraid of |
| Donald's lap. He feels he is being taken advantage | | | | upsetting the applecart. He had a good rapport |
| of; everyone knows they can rely on "good old | | | | with his boss, and he was afraid he'd really disrupt |
| Donald." But he's afraid that if he speaks his mind, | | | | it if he suddenly changed his style and began |
| he may jeopardize the cordial relationship he | | | | asserting his own needs. For her part, Jeanne |
| enjoys with Jeanne. So he bites the bullet and | | | | probably reinforced his fear by continuously talking |
| never broaches the subject. "There are a lot | | | | about "team effort" and how wonderful it was |
| worse jobs out there," he rationalizes. | | | | that "we're just one big happy family." |
| Bill, a participant in one of my negotiation training | | | | If you find yourself in a like predicament, try to |
| seminars, told us of an old, rust-eaten vehicle that | | | | step back and put it all in perspective. Are you |
| he had advertised for $1,300, never dreaming | | | | really out to wreck this person's world? No. Do |
| he'd get it. A young man (we'll call him Paul) came | | | | you really want to upset the whole applecart? No. |
| to see the car, and he and Bill immediately | | | | All you want are the apples you deserve. The |
| established a good rapport. They talked about | | | | other person, of course, may try to "guilt-peddle" |
| sports and hobbies and the atmosphere could | | | | you into thinking that you are upsetting the whole |
| hardly have been more cordial. When the | | | | applecart, hoping to make you retreat from your |
| discussion turned to the car, Bill readied himself | | | | position. Don't pay any mind. Stand firm. Once you |
| for a negotiation. Instead, Paul just said, "Well, | | | | clearly establish that you're not backing off, the |
| you're a nice guy so I guess I can buy it for | | | | other person will have to negotiate with you. The |
| $1,300." | | | | nature of your relationship may change as they |
| What is going on here? Why are so many people | | | | realize you're no longer a pushover, but the |
| reluctant to negotiate? Fear. But what are they | | | | change will be a positive one. The end result will |
| afraid of? It's not a fear of losing. By not | | | | be a relationship based on mutual respect, not |
| negotiating they have already lost all they can. So | | | | one-sided manipulation. |
| what is it that so many people are afraid of? | | | | Fear of Being The Bad Guy |
| Sarah is afraid of making a bad impression. Donald | | | | If Paul could've brought himself to say, "That's a |
| is afraid of upsetting the applecart. Paul is afraid of | | | | little more than I was looking to pay for a car," Bill |
| looking like a bad guy. | | | | surely would've come down from $1,300. Why did |
| When You Negotiate You Don't Make a Bad | | | | Paul leave himself no chance of shaving some |
| Impression, You Earn Respect | | | | bucks off the price? He was afraid of switching |
| Tough bargaining actually earns respect. A friend | | | | hats, that is, of exchanging the nice white hat of |
| of mine is an manager who interviews and hires a | | | | friendly banter for what he saw as the black hat |
| lot of people. He told me a story once about a | | | | of give-and-take bargaining. |
| woman he was about to hire for a middle-level | | | | Nonsense. Bill was expecting a negotiation. Of |
| management position. He was fairly certain she | | | | course, it is a really good idea to build a positive |
| was his top choice but he said that he couldn't be | | | | relationship at the start of any negotiation. Once |
| certain until he had discussed salary with her. | | | | that is done, however, it is normal to move into |
| "Why?" I asked. | | | | hard bargaining. Hard bargaining can and should be |
| "Because I want to see how she handles the | | | | conducted in a friendly manner but it is still hard |
| salary negotiation. I'll have serious doubts about | | | | bargaining and it is fully appropriate. |
| her if she just takes what I offer. If she doesn't | | | | So Lets Negotiate - Only Good Things Will Happen |
| think enough of herself to push me at least a | | | | If You Do |
| little, she probably isn't the best person for the | | | | When we play a game like tennis or chess, we |
| job." | | | | play to win, and if we succeed, we don't make an |
| "So you don't get annoyed when people negotiate | | | | enemy in the process. The same is true of |
| salary with you?" "Not at all. On the contrary, it | | | | negotiation. We're out to meet our needs and we |
| indicates a self-assurance and confidence that I | | | | give it all we've got, but when it's over, that's it. |
| value very highly in our employees." | | | | As long as we keep it friendly and don't pull out |
| There we have it, right from the mouth of | | | | any dirty tricks, there's no reason in the world |
| someone who hires lots of people. Whether we're | | | | that a negotiation should engender any bad |
| negotiating with an employer, a landlord, or | | | | feelings or result in any ongoing enmity. So go for |
| anyone else, we've been brainwashed into | | | | it. You're merely attempting to fulfill your own |
| believing that if we stand up and bargain for | | | | legitimate needs. |
| ourselves we'll make enemies, make a bad | | | | (c) Michael Schatzki - 2004. All rights reserved. |
| impression and ruin any chance of getting along. | | | | |